I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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