So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
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Man, jail baloney is awful.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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