Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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