The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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