1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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