Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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