You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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