how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize