You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
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I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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