I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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