I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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