My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize