i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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