My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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