i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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