Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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