Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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