He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoShamevember. You game?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize