there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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