No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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