My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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