I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
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i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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