Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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