Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize