Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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