I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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