The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize