maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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