Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I could make wine with my vomit
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize