I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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