i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will be naked everywhere
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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