I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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