Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
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my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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