last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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