i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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