the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize