Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize