Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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