I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
be right there i have to get my cape
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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