That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
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I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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