I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize