What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize