Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Randomize
Follow @tfln