This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize