Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize