I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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