I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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