I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
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Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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