Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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