Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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