At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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